THE YELLOW DICK ROAD

To be a male born without a Penis is a curse most will say, and that was a curse for me, even more so, you might think. A missing…Heart? A Brain? Courage? They are things you might bemoan to lack, but a penis? For most it would be tragedy beyond the scope of sorrow.

I am an XY man, this is who speaks to you this moment, do not doubt this in the least. There should be no doubt to anyone that I am a man, and I think everyone already knows this. No matter that I am intertwined with them.

It has been medically proven beyond doubt, via biopsy that we/I are a true hermaphrodite with XY genes and XX. There are two separate sexual DNA lines in my body.  Two sexes but more than two zygotes combined to form this body. Yes, there can be multiple bloodlines in the same bloodstream, each with different DNA.

I am a MAN. I have Masculine XY genes that have just as much right to exist as any other man out there. Though It seems as though I might be in a battle with my placental partner, one of them at least. Absent Penis or not, I have a right to live. To be a man. The only thing that makes me different is they cut off my testicle and my penis was in absentia, and I am a part of a chimera, combined with female, with her or their own particular parts…..and I do not talk much.

If you there, Mr. Whole Man, Mr. Freemason secret-club eligible man, if you were to lose those man-parts in an accident, would you suddenly feel you really are not a man? You at first might claim that, Oh the agony you’d experience, but you would soon likely see that there is more to being a man than that flesh. So, that leaves the fact of my life being lived with others inside me or intertwined around me? Is that really that much of an issue? If you had a new hand grafted on, a kidney transplant, a liver, a heart, what if they came from a woman? It is a frequent thing. So now you only live because of female parts transplanted on you? Are you still a man? What is the difference? Only that you wish to deny me...

I am an XY man, a man born missing my Penis. Though some will say it is her that is missing it, that I am the lover she lost long ago on that well traveled road of ruts. Muddy paths and rivers of dirt that we both were forced down, and you could say that when my penis went missing, it was me that she lost somewhere along that trail. But I am not gone. Only my penis is missing from this body I share with her. My heart is still here, and that is what makes me whole, makes me who I truly am. And it is a heart I share with her. And do you know there is more than one in here? Have you figured that out yet?

What if there are FOUR OF US?  That would explain so many things to me, like why I seem to have dreams, but it is like I am witnessing the events from in this body, I WOULD NEVER, EVER DO SUCH THINGS! Never!

Explain why I have so many memories that do not seem like it was me? Explain why I feel like I am a virgin, honest to goodness. Because I, me, this voice right now has no sex organs. I am in the body yes, but that is not my DNA on them. Where is my lost testicle? My DNA typing?

From Wikipedia: Tetragametic chimerism is a form of congenital chimerism. This condition occurs through the fertilisation of two separate ova by two sperm, followed by aggregation of the two at the blastocyst or zygote stages. This results in the development of an organism with intermingled cell lines. Put another way, the chimera is formed from the merging of two nonidentical twins (a similar merging presumably occurs with identical twins, but as their genotypes are not significantly distinct, the resulting individual would not be considered a chimera). As such, they can be male, female, or have mixed intersex characteristics.

There is no absolute medical way to tell in true hermaphroditism, that results from Tetragametic Chimerism, which cell is which, XX or XY, or which Bloodline, unless biopsied individually. You could find ovarian tissue that had no XY and say, that was from the female zygote, or you could do a blood test and say all the blood is XX, or the liver is XX which is producing the blood. You could do a saliva test, and find it is XY, but that could mean only the salivary glands are that. In a true multiple zygote, you cannot usually tell. The flesh, the muscles, the eyes could each be different, and in many people the two different colored eyes are each a different zygote. (though its commonly XX/XX or XY/XY, and our/my situation of two sexes and multiple zygotes merging is ultra-ultra rare, but still there are hundreds of cases. It could even be possible that only the liver, ovary and uterus in the entire body is XX and and the ovoteste and heart and lungs are mixed XXXY, -shared, but the rest is wholly XY. For me, us, it’s a toss up. I loved dolls and dress up and I loved climbing trees and rolling around in fisticuffs with my brothers. I was so utterly competitive. Truth be told, I was always more boy than girl. A lot of boys play with dolls and wear costumes. I played with what was given to me. But I was more boy in spirit. Always being nagged at constantly…STOP that, you are not a boy!  Act like a Lady!

But part of me is a boy!

Each and every time my mother yelled that at me, I became resentful, I would be defiant.

I would shout at her: I am not a lady!

And in those exact words…which is odd, or not? And her face would darken and today I know why. Yes, I know what dark secret she knew. And I no longer wonder why she incessantly threw those words at me. When I was only acting the same exact way my maybe-brothers-with-penises did, whom she adored. I say maybe because it is quite possible that my parents were both hermaphroditic, and as such our particular genes could be totally different. Not likely, but anything is possible in this, and I know it is a hereditary thing. We all know this, do we not?  I will not delve into the medical theory that outlines such possibility, but it is theoretically not difficult in our types of beings.

She also frequently used to claim I would..cut off a body part just to “spite” another part of my body. And I heard that over and over, and am glad thats over. Whatever! I know the implication. I do not think she was even my mother. I think she had the same troubles we do. I think it is a genetic thing.

For years I pressured her to tell me the truth, I knew she was hiding something from me so dark it would change my world.

It was my light she was hiding though, not the dark. She was hiding the fact I was actually a boy. And she bloody well knew it!

Some claim my horrible masculine attitude (a fault in their eyes, because They Cut Off That Testicle!) is because how I was raised, having brothers, being the oldest. That’s a cop out. It is saying that there is something wrong with me as a girl, because I act like a guy= stand up for myself and don’t take any lies. You are trying to find a fault that causes me to not be a lady enough for your definition of a girl. Just like I heard all those damm years! 

It is not a fault. I am a BOY!

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You refused to let me be a man, just because She was twisted around inside my flesh? Because I was missing my penis? And you thought you had cut out all the man in this body? That I had no rights any longer to be a man, to be assertive/beatch, to be aggressive/dyke, to be competitive/cu*t ??? No basic standard rights as all you other penis-fledged-beings?

All you penis-worshipping idolatrous humans?

How many men feel that they are defined by their Penis? How many men have fallen into love with that bit of flesh that becomes their one true lover? That thing they raise up like the tower of Babel? The lover that is what the world tells them is themselves and all the power they possess tied up inside that cosseted and coddled skin.

I do not have this. My power is not within a fragile organ of human flesh susceptible to death. A group of human cells grown together that has seemingly became the very symbol of what the world defines as worthy of power. That is not enough to hold mine.

And I think you know this.

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