Once, I thought I might not have made it past Thirteen years of age. And for a good reason I suspected it.

My real spin-out started at about 14, but I remember the pills incident which was age 13, just before that next birthday, but it’s all very hazy, super-super dream like, ( like my whole..past feels like it was a nightmare. But this certain blank period at 13 is different and makes no real sense to me, as I do not remember anything much (about that immediately near time frame) after being taken to the doctors, of which that itself is extremely illogical considering the facts. You do not call a doctors office and tell them your 13 year old little girl-child has just swallowed 30 tylenols, and they tell you, “No worries,” just to amble in, drive over to the office, and we will try to squeeze you in. It makes no sense. Therefore, if this is a dream, that was also logically. Because I was not treated except being made to vomit, as I recall, and it would have been too late for that. Also I recall being alone in the doctors room a long time, again not logical. It had to have been an illusion. I would never wish that pain upon my parents no matter what they could have ever done to me. Never, every, ever.  It kills me to even think about it. But…

I believe it entirely possible my own father murdered me before the age of 9, by shooting me in the head as I slept. This makes much sense to me, and everything else is a dream, though actually it ALL IS, as I claim. I was murdered by my father, and I think pretty much the whole world knows it. And I suppose I cannot forgive him for this, or have not yet, which means logically that I cannot forgive myself, as I am half him. Did Jesus have this exact problem? I bet he might.

Right now I have a cyst on my face that I have had for over five years, and it’s bothering me again. It feels like a bullet fragment, and the spot matches up with all the iconic images of Mary, and the mysterious wound on the right side of her face.

I am just a little mixed up multiple girls-boys, and I did not deserve that daddy! Not me, this me...And you did not either.

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