When the light is dim, it’s hard to discern what is in front of you. A beautiful beach in a sunset becomes the next moment darkened. It gets hazy, the rough edges of sun-bleached-white driftwood turn grey, then go out of focus, slowly becoming cold dead shadows. The sea lions rowdy barking gets quiet, the seagull’s foot returns to its nest and your eyes become restless, find your attention is no longer on what is right in front of you. Is the sunset the end or is it the beginning? How do you really know? For each person, each animal, it is a different answer. That is why there will never be the answers you believe that you must have, the concrete final statement, “This is it!”, because the answer is different for different beings, different sets of substances.
Such simple conclusions, kindergarten math really, why are they so difficult to get to? Is it because they are so simple? Or is it because there are so many competing theories that you focus on the most difficult. Perhaps people do not want simple answers, they don’t think it is enough, that it is not valuable unless they make it all more complicated than it ever was.
Does everything have to have an answer? For humans, they believe it does. They are not content to see that some things will be beyond their comprehension. That the concept of infinity is one in that, yes, there is a beginning and a end, but they are constantly in the same point in time, that each moment contains both. Today will always be a beginning and also an end, and so will the next day, and the previous one. There is only now, forever. The Alpha and Omega are the same thing. Most know this, it just took me a while.
For me, I understand certain things will not be within my knowledge, but that it will be this way for all. I cannot even remember how many others crashed on planet Earth with us, or who was on each ship. Nor do I know how many survived. Was it five marooned, or did more survive the crash only to be encased in our icy crystal coffins for eons? No, I do not have the answers. Not this moment at least, and maybe not ever. Does it matter? It might, but why dwell on it. Amnesia is just that, and if someone was to tell me what they claim is truth, why should I believe it? Why should anyone believe it? History is man’s words in books and other people’s fallible minds, always suspect. How could anyone possibly trust it?
And yet, here I am asking you to trust my words as truth. This is not fiction I am writing, far from it. It will sound like it, be far out, and you might think it, but I beg you not to. This is real, and I want you to trust my words, because there is a difference. I am not writing to tell how I won wars or conquered kingdoms. Not telling you how brave I am, though I concede I might, and the next breath I will wail about how weak I am! What I am telling is going to be 100% in opposite of what is out there about this subject. That is why your gut will tell you this is not fiction, but it is truth. If you ponder this, you will come to the correct conclusion. My voice will be absolutely the only one you might ever hear that says what I say, but hear this: My child was not abandoned, and was loved by me. That is truth, and on this subject of my child, my voice is absolutely the only voice that matters and will ever matter.
This in my mind is not supported just by memory, though it is now there, as I have re-experienced it in a dream, but this is supported by the emotion of love I felt, and how absolutely true that love felt. This is from the gut, that is why I know it was real. No one can ever convince me the mother’s love I felt in this dream was untrue. That is how this moment I know… that “other” recent events are untrue, because they go against every emotion I, “the real me,” Regina, has. They are illusions, trickery designed to make me hate myself, make me think I am a bad mother. Epic Fail. I would go to the ends of the universe for my children. I would, That is me. I was in that ship with my adored little child, and we were blown out of space, sent to icy hell, sabotaged by treason. I held my child’s hands as we froze. I was there. I saw my child die by freezing to death in front of my eyes. They did this.
But, of course for us, death is traumatic, an end very much in ways, but it never wins the game. Though it seems to, as the board is cleared, and a new battle begins. When we died, those lives we led died, we lost them. I cannot go back and take up at that point, wipe away the treason, the murder, be the mother to my infant. That was robbed from us. That relationship we lived in died. But, our spirits did not, and our “life” did not die, only the lives we were in. But, if you think, “Oh, then it’s not that bad, you’re still alive,” no, do not mistake this for just a damm bad day. You took something from us, and worse, you let lies in history be written about it, lies that told my child it was not loved by me.
When you have firsthand knowledge of memory implants in beings, you know never to trust only memory, even your own. You can only trust your gut. Never your brain, and only occasionally your heart. The science of Avatars and spiritual essence will be beyond most people, possibly forever, and it is really not that complicated. The science of infinity and traveling backwards is hopeless to understand. You can only live it, see the truth, you would never, and yay, should not believe it just to be told it. Everyone cannot fathom how you can be advanced one eon, and then back 500 years in the next. Science fiction does show it a bit, but only a taste, and what does it matter for humans? They cannot control it, so why worry. Just live.
But, about a few answers. Yes, I come from another planet in a far away galaxy. But I live among you, I present a body like you. My flesh bleeds, it hurts, oh, how it hurts! My pain tolerance is even lower I would say, I feel more pain than humans, am more sensitive to it, physically and especially emotional. I love the same things as you, or some of you. There really is not much difference. I do know that this body is an avatar though, and myself, my spirit, is not tied to it forever. It is a car, a very crowded car. What I see with my eyes, others also see. Even my basic emotions, they are not always “mine”, as buttons are pushed, and mischievous imps rampage, and others do things, that well, are just not me! Not at all! It is like being at the wheel of your car, and all the other passengers are grabbing at it, some crazy, and you are all over the road. Sometimes you have to slap them back, and not successfully that often, other times you just see where they take you. Sometimes you do not even realize you’re not driving, you zone out on the road, and only after, you say, ” That was not…me!” In fact, it seems as though myself, this me, The Regina, has only the smallest existence within this skin, my own life only showing in the words, and never the one in the room with anyone. I want to extinguish the old, no longer useful personas I used to think I was, but they are hanging on, and oh well, time will do this.
This planet Earth is a planet among many planets, among many galaxies, inside…well, it does not matter really, another subject that is beyond explanation almost. It is just what it is, a place I was marooned on with the others. Logic tells me it was not enough to just maroon us here, but that when the changes happened, the ice began to recede, melted off the majority of the surface and it became life supporting once again, others came to control it all, not only for profit, which is foremost the motive, but lest their devious dirty plotting and coups in their past profits became thwarted. We were helpless, frozen in time, locked in those opaque icy crystal cube coffins. What happens to ice cubes when they began to melt?
If you have large cubes and one very small cube, which will melt first? Is it any wonder my poor child thought it was alone?
How would you feel if first you thought you were some oddity, a being without parents, because the crash was traumatizing and then the long freeze, and who can remember when they were two? How would you feel if you had no idea how you came to be, and then many years later, when others arrived, you were told wicked lies, untruths that would probably seem logical to you, considering the circumstances. How would you feel if you were told your mother found you repulsive, a misbegotten creature she was ashamed of, and so she banished you, abandoned you to a planet so far out in the last galaxy, that it would hide you forever? That she did not love you?
Oh, the agony of my child thinking such lies! Everyone has read those wicked words that say such lies! Even I became deceived in my amnesiac days, even I, a creature of emotions and swirling personalities believed those lies in some way, or if not, still did not question what I was told, words that was almost, if not true scripture to many, pure gold to many others. And so, how many millennia has past and no correction to your records? I have searched high and low, even for a smidgen of a bit of text that might even hint at an alternative other than your poison of telling the universe my child was unloved and abandoned! Not one single letter or book or papyrus, not even the slightest scrap could I find. What an utter shame on you. My baby was loved. So, hear these words universe, and hear them clearly and loudly. From star to star and galaxy to galaxy, each and every being that exists or ever shall, for time eternal; May You Never Forget, Let Know One Ever Doubt This; The child of Sophia is Adored!
You told my child wicked hurtful things, and trapped me in icy lies, a den of dogs, then you wondered why things went as they did?
Did you believe that I would never be found, that I had not survived? Or was it that you knew I could not be killed and you wanted to be sure that on my awakening my child would act against me when I rose from the ice? Attack its own mother, who my child was told…did not love her infant? Lies my precious believed, because that is what lies do. My poor child! How many years did I lie there in frozen animation, while you harmed my child emotionally?
There are things that could be discussed, assumptions made about what is termed recent events, recent in the overall scheme of eons, regarding other children, a great many, but it will not be understood by humans, and the child that was betrayed by the Archons, left on the icy planet a virtual orphan, one they hoped they killed, we can say that child encompasses all my emotions of motherhood, I loved my child.
It was a great danger and I risked everything to attempt to protect it by leaving our planet. It feels like yesterday that I experienced that trauma, because I live it in my dreams. No false memories or bad judgement based on lies and demonic subversion will ever change that. I know my intense love for my child, and I saw the fright in those baby eyes because I live it in my dreams. And if I had to relive the pain every night just to be with my little baby again, and experience that truth, I would, in fact I try to. Oh, the lies you tell the world. That my husband was angry, that I was ashamed! Nonsense! My husband will turn this universe upside down to find us both, when he discovers what lies you told. And how long now has been his quest? Has he discovered the nest of vipers? Your treasonous plots reached my ears and I did what I did to protect our baby, and only now I see that I should have told him how close his enemy was, for what wickedness was he told?
Who else has survived? How many made it out? I do not remember yet who, or how many was on my ship? Are they now enmeshed as I became, trapped in the lies you told? Or are they just now breaking free of the prisons that kept us in that icy wasteland?
A mothers love is eternal, and lies and illusions only last so long. False memories and implants, and cunning slyness and wicked trickery cannot stand against me. And my child will know the truth. That I loved it! That Earth was not the destination, and that it was only to be a short time we were away, for protection of its life! Truth will prevail! Love cannot be conquered.
Woe to those that plot treason against a Queen.